名师帮你修改考研英语作文（10）

范文：

The cartoon reveals an astonishing scenario in which hundreds of old people are chasing a small bag tagged "retirement fund". The artist tactically drew these humans' heads as bowls, indicating that their retirement life completely depends on this fund. On the other hand, the shrinking bag with a worried facebetrays（obviously showed） its inability to meet the enormous demand.

As our society turns gradually towards populationaging(stage), a series of severe problems about the retirement fund system emerge owing to the expanding scale of the old. A recent report released by the central government shows that in most of the provinces in China, retirement fund fails to make ends meet-the expenditure always overweighs the income. Moreover, the disparity is becoming larger, which results in the lack of adequate fund and the unbalanced structure of the retirement fund system. More importantly, the current legal mechanism of social insurance is not strong enough to tackle with relevant problems.

I strongly maintain that the task of supporting the old is of great significance to a stable and healthy society. Government should launch a fundamental reform of the retirement fund by promulgating regulations and measures so as to guarantee the system's efficiency.

评：本文结构段落安排合理，遣词造句方面也比较娴熟，论证得当，很好的阐述了文章的主旨，整篇文章写得比较成功。