沪江考研携手海天教育有奖参赛征文[9]

[名师点评]这位同学精神可嘉。蓝色为原文需要去掉的部分，红色为老师添加部分。每一次写作都是一次锻炼和提高。非谓语动词还是要加强啊！！而且这种写作一般有现在时就行了，尤其不能有时是现在时，有时是过去时，除非是非常明显的过去的回忆否则会让人读起来觉得时态掌握不准。还有就是固定句型如pray to sb for sth而不是pray to make money。

According to the bar chart,we can see that there are several kinds of standardsfor selecting professions at university students’ hearts.With去掉 theregard to the ideal mind of vocation,stabilization topped topsthe list,about 96%.With fat salary and development possibility ranks the second and the third respectively,nearly 77% and 65%.And the percent of interest and achievement is a little low,one is 50% and the other one is 26%.

In my opinion,there are some reasons causing the situation.First and formost,with the global financial crisis breaking out,many companys are reducing their staff.So more and more students want to search for a relatively steady position instead of the one whichcontainswe thought 去掉a lot of its developmentformerlyopportunities. And with the commodity price sharply rising,earning enough money to deal with daily expends has become the pressing affair instead of the importance of development or interest.

As far as I am concerned,it is not necessary to find a steady,rich and promising job when we leave school just now.Because we are yongyoung,we have the ability and opportunity to purse primal dreams.We ought to continueto emphasise the development and quality of ourselves’,rather than pray to God for stability and fortunestabilize or make money.