名师帮你修改考研英语作文（9）

想参加名师修改考研作文活动请进入>>>

想知道自己的作文是不是被修改了请订阅本节目！

第一篇（wimtt123）

This picture describes the(a) scene of a very typical family workshop which we might find in every neighborhood in China. A woman is busy making beancurd while her husband runs to her hilariously, saying that they have finally obtained the "sanitation license". However, we find(that) the condition of their workplace is quite disgusting, with flies circling and a hogpen nearby.

The sanitation problem of family workshops in the food industry has existed for a long time. It can be mainly attributed to two factors. The first and perhaps key(the most important) factor is the ignorance of sanitation. Many workshops are inherited family businesses, and thus the owners are used to following traditional craftwork that pays(\) no attention on sanitation. The other reason lies on some businessmen's(being) short of occupational disciplines. In order to save cost and make profit, they adopt the worst equipment in dirty conditions, regardless of consumer health. (fot)It has been proved that food produced in poor sanitary condition can greatly affect people's health and happiness.

For the sake of benefiting(\) people'(s health), our government has initiated aggressive programs to advocate the importance of sanitation. Illegal food workshops with unhealthy surrounding(conditions) should never connive, but should be severely punished and forcefully closed.

评：本篇文章结构清晰，行文也比较流畅，遣词造句得当。第一段阐述图片的内容，第二段对问题的原因进行了分析，第三段提及了解决方法，但是作者提出的解决方法不够具体，可操作性不强，须在这方面有所改进。

• ·2010年迦思佑考研6000词逻辑辨证记忆
• ·2010年迦思佑张纪元考研6000词汇记忆课堂录音
• ·10版研究生英语难句过关-盘内容
• ·【VIP专享】2009新东方考研英语复试听力(音频+讲义)
• ·沪江考研原创：和我一起突破考研长难句1-33
• ·胡敏考研英语词汇-读故事记单词（09最新版）MP3
• ·2010淘金高阶考研英语词汇词典版MP3
• ·2010考研英语阅读理解精读100篇（高分版）文本下载
• ·2009年考研英语大纲词汇
• ·2010考研英语万能作文MP3

• 麦考瑞内部雅思7-7.5分部分题库
• 一月速背6000单词
• 英语口语需要自然流露
• 7月名师讲座
• 点滴积累学英语系列之一